417: What is your Superpower? Naming, nurturing, & protecting your superpower.

Speaker A: 00:00:00

Why is it important for women to ask an answer? What is your superpower? Why does it matter in real life?

Speaker B: 00:00:07

It matters because if you want to be seen, heard, and impactful in a positive way for yourself and others, you better figure out who you are.

Speaker A: 00:00:20

Welcome. You're on air with Ella, where we share simple strategies and tips for living a little better every day.

If you're interested in mindset and wellness or healthy habits and relationships, or horm hormone health, aging well and eating well, honestly, if you're just into living better and with more energy, then you're in the right place. We're not here for perfect. We're here for a little better every day. Let's go. Hey, you're on air with Ella. And today I am joined by my friend, T.H.

Speaker C: 00:00:51

Irwin. Hey, T.H.

Speaker A: 00:00:52

How are you?

Speaker B: 00:00:53

Hey, Ella, how you doing?

Speaker A: 00:00:55

Will you please tell everyone who you are and what you do?

Speaker B: 00:00:59

So my name is TH it's only two letters. And what I do is I create impactful, memorable, and intentional experiences for people.

I have produced these experiences across the country, but now I am based in northern New Jersey, right here in Bergen County.

Speaker A: 00:01:15

I was talking with TH Offline, and we were having this conversation, and the subject of our superpowers came up. I think. In fact, th. I think you asked me, what is my superpower? And shockingly, I had an answer for.

Speaker B: 00:01:27

You, but that just shows where you are in your.

Speaker A: 00:01:30

You're right. I would not have been able to answer that 15 years ago.

Speaker B: 00:01:34

Right. You went through a major pivot in your life where you had to figure yourself out. And that's when we are forced to see, who are we?

What are we capable of? What fills our cup? Because if you don't find that, you're going to keep stumbling.

Speaker A: 00:01:49

Yeah. And so many women, we don't take stock. We don't have time.

We don't have time to stop and ask ourselves what we want, much less what we're, what we're good at.

Speaker B: 00:01:59

Right. It's always keeping up the kids, my parents, my partner, my loved one, my brother, my. It's not about who you serve.

When I talk about your superpower, I want to know the one word that describes you. Who are you? Not who you serve, not what your job is. Who are you?

That's a really hard question for people to answer, and it's the most basic question, but it's hard th.

Speaker A: 00:02:26

So many women, when you ask them, who are you? You know, what are you about? They answer in a relative measure, as you put it, they describe who they serve, not who they are.

Tell me what's important about that from your story. What did that look like for you?

Speaker B: 00:02:44

No one had ever put a spotlight on me. So I think the reason that most people. It's not just women. I think most people struggle with answering the question of what is your superpower?

Is because nobody asked you about you. What'd you do today? How is work? Not what made you feel happy today? What made you smile? What did you uncover as your strength?

Nobody asks you those questions. Nobody cares. But you have to start caring.

You have to start caring about answering those questions for yourself because that's how you grow and you learn. So I've had many pivots in my life. Many were not chosen, but I am happy for them. Like my divorce, that was a beautiful thing for me.

That got me out of a very. I mean, I was just a stuck, unknown shell, robotic mother.

You asked me what my superpower word it would be organizer, and it would be organizing everybody. And I am nowhere in that equation then. So I had my divorce, I changed jobs, and then I started a new career with my best friend.

We started our own business during COVID And so these are all pivots. And I want you to think about what you love. I love creating environments that make where I see other people thrive.

And the only reason I'm successful with it is because I have learned to do it for myself. I have created environments after my divorce, after my breast cancer, after this, after that. And it's not always perfect.

And we only learn when we make mistakes. You win or you learn. And so winning is also, you know, who knows what a real win is?

But I know for me, a win is when I have a little skip in my step, when I, like, want to pat myself on the shoulder unapologetically.

Speaker A: 00:04:44

Why is it important for women to ask an answer? What is your superpower? Why does it matter in real life?

Speaker C: 00:04:53

Hey, it's Ella. Have you ever said to yourself, I.

Speaker A: 00:04:56

Work, I have a family, but I.

Speaker C: 00:04:58

Really want some energy and some time for me or I want to be.

Speaker A: 00:05:02

Successful, not overwhelmed all the damn time, Right? I need more friendship in my life.

Speaker C: 00:05:07

But making friends as an adult is really hard. I know I need to invest more in myself. I want to invest more in myself, but where do I even start? Is any of that relatable for you?

It is for me and it is for my co host of the event that we are holding exclusively for women on May 9th. It's called women of Impact. Mastering your A game in Business. And life.

And this event is hosted by me and my co host Shannon and tailored for women just like us who benefit from personal and professional development, who are balancing multiple priorities but want to take care of our own well being. For women who don't have time to waste on motivation like we need real life application. I want to talk success and self care.

Speaker A: 00:05:49

Like can't we have both?

Speaker C: 00:05:50

Women of Impact is the only event that I know of that combines professional development, financial empowerment and personal well being all in one unforgettable day. I know your time is valuable, so is mine. But the one thing we don't have is time.

That is why we have packed this day with actionable takeaways that you can use immediately. And. And did you know that many companies will sponsor your attendance?

There's a whole section on the website for tips on how to get your employer to pay for your registration. VIP attendees, you get a free professional headshot. Everyone that comes champagne mixer.

Afterward, there are special gifts for every single one of you. And an hour after the programming is over where we can all meet and greet and talk and mix and mingle and make deeper connections.

I really hope to see you there. Seating is limited because of the venue, so do not wait.

Meet me@masteryouragame.com or find all of the details in the event section of my website on air ella.com of course, you don't need to remember any of that. All the links are available in the show notes right here in this app. Okay, I really hope to see you May 9th.

Speaker A: 00:07:01

Don't lose out on your seat.

Speaker C: 00:07:03

Grab a friend, grab a colleague, bring your team and we'll see you there. Masteryouragame.com it matters because if you want.

Speaker B: 00:07:11

To be seen, heard and impactful in a positive way for yourself and others, you better figure out who you are. If you're just going through the motions in your life, like I did during my marriage, like I did in my first career. Did I check the box?

How did my review go? I got this much in sales that has nothing to do with who I am. The more you're in touch with who you are, the better you are.

The healthier you are, the more opportunities that probably have been sitting around you for a long time, but finally you're thinking, I can freaking do that. I can do that. And I have. As part of owning my superpower as a creator. That's my superpower. Word. I say yes before. No. Th. This opportunity is here.

Do you want to. Yes. Do you think maybe this is something you might Be up for yes. Say yes before no. Don't talk yourself out of it.

If you have it in you and you're recognizing it and you're owning it, say yes.

Speaker A: 00:08:20

You just demonstrated with that one example why knowing what your superpower is is so important.

Because if you weren't talking about operating in alignment with your gifts, in alignment with pursuing your highest fulfillment, then it would be a terrible idea to say yes to everything. Like, that's how we got in this situation in the first place. Right?

And growing up and growing in is learning what is of value to you and being totally okay with releasing what's not.

So I love when you talk about being a creator, when you talk about being about saying yes, you are talking about doing so in alignment, and we skip that step for so I don't know about you.

When I was 25, when I was 35, when I was in the thick of building my businesses and raising my child and trying to be a decent wife and all of these things and all these people that I serve, I. If you'd asked me what my superpower was, I might have had, like, a violent response. Because you don't. Who's got the time right right now?

Speaker B: 00:09:27

You're going to challenge me? Yes, it feels like now I got to be tested.

Speaker A: 00:09:32

Yes, it feels like a test. And you. What you are describing is freedom and an agency, and it's exciting, and it's dialed in, and it's in alignment.

And you said, okay, so your superpower word is creator, Right? And that describes who you are, not who you serve. And if anyone's tripping up on the word serve, like your family serves you back in a way also.

Okay, we are not implying, lying, that you're, like, walking around on bended knee. That's not the point.

Speaker B: 00:10:03

No, it has to be what fills you up so you can sleep at night and wake up and be like, I'm going. I'm going straight ahead.

Speaker A: 00:10:13

I am very clear on what my.

Speaker C: 00:10:16

Superpower word is, but I'm not going.

Speaker A: 00:10:18

To share it, because I want you to treat me like someone who has never thought about this question before in her life. Thomas. So I come to you, and I'm like, okay, this conversation intrigued me, but I've never thought about this in my life. Where am I even starting?

What does this look like in real life?

Speaker B: 00:10:35

So I would start, Ella, by saying, what makes you smile and laugh in your day? What makes you smile and laugh?

Speaker A: 00:10:42

Nth if I could build on that question just for myself, just the way my brain Works. It would be like, what do you do? What would you do for free? Like, what would you absolutely do?

What lights up your brain synapses and just flows for you.

And so for me, I know that that is connecting with people and feeling like I can bring something to them or offer them something or offer them another connection to someone else that lights them up, that serves them in some way. But being in that energy lights me up makes sense.

Speaker B: 00:11:16

It makes sense. That's your superpower, because that fills you up to meet me. You're serving yourself first.

So, yes, you're putting me together with other people and all these other matchmaking things you're doing, but it all starts with you. So your superpower word is a connector is because you're connecting with people at a deeper level, at a meaningful way that fills you up.

And then you're like, I want more of that. That fuels you. That's the magic, is figuring what that is.

Speaker A: 00:11:49

Yes. And I have to say, like, I thought this was so much. When you and I spoke about this, just off just. It was just whimsy, you guys. When.

When th and I were talking about this, I answered without even thinking about it. My superpower word is connector. And what that equipped me with.

Speaker C: 00:12:08

Th.

Speaker A: 00:12:08

If I may self indulge here for just a moment. It. It enriched my point of view just by articulating that to you. And I'll tell you why. I know I'm a facilitator.

I love conn people to other resources or information or whatever that might help them. That is in service to me, as you said. But also I love connecting us from our heads to our bodies. I love reminding us that we are integrated beings.

I love reminding us to get into our bodies and to treat them well and how to take care of them. And I love the. It's almost a literal connection, if you will, of us to back to our selves.

And so just being able to have this conversation about what my superpower was, was so enlightening and crystallizing for me because it allowed me to connect some dots that I don't know that I'd fully articulated before. And that in and of itself is empowering. What does that look like or mean to you?

Speaker B: 00:13:07

Well, you're putting a spotlight, right? We never put a spotlight on it. Once you start to see things, then you see it all the time and you can embrace it and love it.

I know that when I separated from my husband, I wore beige, blue, black, gray. I wore khakis, T shirts, crew neck sweaters. I had no personality. I was coming out of a relationship where I was literally robotic.

The kids got to school, I went to work, I picked them up, I brought them home somehow, I fed them, and then we all went to sleep and we started again. So then I started to grow. Then I started to realize, you know what? I have potential. I am a good mom. I am not.

So many of the voices in what all the voices in my head were telling me for so long, I didn't own any of them. And they all felt uncomfortable because they weren't me. Really. Figuring out who you are is a small step. So my first spotlight was, you know what?

I like the color orange. And orange looks good on me, and I own that. And then it was, I like that red jacket. And I started to learn what I like, what is my personality?

How do I want to reflect that to the world? That is how little and simple it is. I also so ever my whole life is like bright colors. I wear lots of bright colors. I also am out in nature a lot.

I find it very calming. I'm all about a workout. So if I could go for a good hike and be in nature and talk to the trees, it's like a win win.

But I literally stop and smell the roses. I literally stop and take a picture of a bug or a rushing water. Okay. So as a creator, I have found my favorite pictures and I put them on canvas.

You know, I have them printed up, and they're in my gym. My gym is my space that I have created as a place that reminds me of being outside when I can't be and brings beauty into my life.

Those are the things that fill me up. That's what I know now. I look around my house, and I have created spaces filled with things that bring me joy.

And if you look at the art in my house, it's bold, it's bright, it's interesting, and it reflects what I create. And so it's all intermingled. But it could start with something as simple as what is your favorite color? I never thought about it.

Speaker A: 00:15:41

These sound like little, small things. But guess what? Our entire life is comprised of little, small things. And so many of us, we go years without even knowing what foods we like.

To use one example, we have sex without even asking ourselves if we like that or this or what we prefer. So big and small. And all of these little decisions, all of these unasked questions comprise an entire life.

So what I love about what you just illustrated was you started to ask the question, and this comes Up. When people talk about. I talk about binge eating and, like, disordered relationships with food a lot on this show or have done in the past. Th.

And one of the things that I realized in having these conversations and having my own experiences is, is we weren't even stopping to ask if we liked a thing, if you'll forgive the leap on the analogy. We might be eating and stuffing and, like, shamefully shoving down a chocolate cake and never even stopping to ask if we like the thing.

It just looked indulgent or looked like it was on the bad list. So we start shoving it in. Like there are. So I could give you so many examples. Food and.

And relationship choices and wardrobe choices, to your point, and hobbies and so on and so forth. Like, the way we spend time, we don't stop to ask ourselves what we even like in phases of our life.

So it sounds like you had to sort of have a little awakening to. To see. To learn this side of you, to meet this side of you.

Speaker B: 00:17:24

Absolutely. I mean, I got married at. I was engaged at 24. I was married at 25. I felt like this is what you're supposed to do.

So I was going along the path and losing myself in the process, and that's dangerous. And I have. I have a master's degree. I had a career. I had all the things. But you know what? I had to wear a suit to work every day.

So it didn't really matter what I like to wear to work. And you had a certain way that you had to present yourself in order to be respected, but not necessarily to be seen or heard.

Speaker A: 00:18:01

Th. Let me ask you this. We've already established that naming your superpower is powerful in and of itself. I mean, just my own example.

It was immediately helpful. But how do you protect your superpower? And do you know what I mean by that?

Speaker B: 00:18:18

Yeah. Like, with anything that you try out. That's new. How do I protect and how do I nurture it? You flex it.

Just like anything else that you want to have stick in your life, you have to use it, otherwise you're going to lose it. So use it in your head. Put a mantra on your screensaver. I have reminders of who I am and what I love around me at all times.

And that is how I learned to make that muscle strong. So being a creator, I can say that proudly, unapologetically, and take it or leave it. I don't really care, because I own it.

It's mine, and you can have your own, and you can say whatever you want. But I'm good because I am strong in my superpower, because I've used it, and I say it out loud. It's like anything, right?

If you say it out loud, it becomes real. So if you want to start writing it in a journal, what are all the things that I'm good at? What would my best friend say about me?

If you're having trouble figuring it out, what would your best friend say about you? Well, my best friend would say X, y, and Z. So write all those things down and you can ask.

Speaker A: 00:19:34

I have asked before. When I have felt particularly stuck or lacking in direction, I have asked people that I know like and trust.

What do you think of when you think of me? How. What is my value that you see? And that's a vulnerable thing to do. And I.

Again, this is not something that I'm doing, you know, on online, but it's something.

It's a question that I have posed to people that I know like and trust and whose opinions I value and have gotten immediately unstuck and sometimes occasionally, just very pleasantly surprised.

Speaker B: 00:20:11

Yeah. Today, actually, I went on a site visit with two women who. One. One is a new friend.

The other is a woman who I'm planning an event, and I put on my outfit, and she goes, you are so stylish.

Speaker A: 00:20:25

What? Like, I'm sorry, what? Could you say that again? But into my phone, slam on the brakes.

Speaker B: 00:20:32

Me. You just always look so cool. Me, cool? I never thought of it that way. I love it, love it. So now I can own that, too.

And maybe that's another way that I'm also a creator. The way I dress makes people smile because it makes me smile.

Speaker A: 00:20:50

To recap, we are naming our superpower. We are starting with what brings us joy, what lights us up inside. And we are naming it.

We are nurturing it by finding ways to live it out in our environments.

And then we are protecting it by actually taking action by flexing that muscle, as you said, just a little bit every day, just like we would in building any other habit. So our questions for you is, what is your superpower? How will you nurture it, and how will you protect it? How will it live in your space? Th.

Thank you so much.

Speaker B: 00:21:33

Thank you so much for being here. I so enjoy your energy. I know you're a connector, but for me, your superpower is energy.

Speaker A: 00:21:41

Thank you.

Speaker B: 00:21:42

My pleasure.

Speaker A: 00:21:44

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