⚡️MINI⚡️ Women & Networking: The Power of Your Inner Circle

ELLA: 00:00:00

Welcome to this on air with Ella Minisode, a little bite sized boost to your day. Always quick, always thought provoking, and always under 10 minutes. Let's go.

Katherine, can you indulge me for just a quick conversation on networking and I'll set up the problem for you.

All of us, we women, this podcast fam, like, we want to broaden our connections, we want more relationships, we want more people that frankly we can call on if we need something professionally. And, and we do that a lot of the time, Katherine, by offering our own services to help other people first. Okay, we know that.

But invariably, so many women I talk to still struggle with the concept of sort of putting themselves out there in a networking way where they are declaring to other people, here's what I do, here's how I'm of value. Let's connect. Katherine, what are, what have we got wrong about this process?

Kathryn V.: 00:00:58

I have never loved the term networking, even before I really dove into the research on it. It just feels manipulative to me. And, and there's nothing about that word that's inherently manipulative. It's just the feeling that I attach to it.

I prefer to think of it as making friends. And if we make friends, I'm more likely to help you. And that feels good to me.

And if an occasion comes up where I need help, you're more likely to help me. And by the way, that feels good to you. Like research wise, it feels good to you to do something nice for someone else.

The thing on networking, there's this one research that was done by Brian Uzi out of Northwestern that I just nerded out on for like six months. His team analyzed 4,5 million emails, which is mind boggling to me. Although for you it might just be like a Tuesday, right?

ELLA: 00:01:44

That sounds like my version of hell, actually.

Kathryn V.: 00:01:47

Agreed. They found that women.

So they mapped, they took these emails to map out networks of various people and they found that what I had always believed is that the broader your network, the more powerful it is. What they discovered is that was true for men, but that's only half the truth for women.

For women, the women who were most successful had a broad network, but then also a close inner circle of other women. And what they found is that women who had that close inner circle were 2.5 times more successful than women who didn't have that close network.

And so for me, when I go to any of these and I'm putting in quotation like networking events, my goal is to walk out with one real connection. I'm really lucky if I get two. But like meeting 30 people for me, that does not get me up in the morning. That makes me want to run, hide in a closet.

I just need to meet one person that I hit it off with. And when I genuinely hit it off with them, I'm going to genuinely want to be friends with them.

ELLA: 00:02:45

I have heard you say that based on research. Men need one type of network to succeed in business, but women need two. Is this what you mean?

And do, do men only need that broad network that you speak of? And we need this close inner circle plus a broader network. Talk to me about this.

Kathryn V.: 00:03:03

So that was looked at from a professional lens. So those two networks, men are more successful when they have a bigger one. Success in this study was defined in terms of title and pay.

Women are more successful when they have two.

My hot take would be that if researchers introduced mental well being, I think I would suspect that men would also benefit from a couple few close contacts. But that's just not the lens that was taken in this particular study.

ELLA: 00:03:29

Fair enough. And totally cosine. Yes. Okay. And. And I want to ask you, and I don't know if I'm asking Katherine the researcher or just Katherine Valentine.

And you may answer through whichever lens makes sense to you.

But Katherine, if you are going somewhere and you want to make just one real connection and that's a real victory and I by the way, just could not agree more. What do you say? Like, because I have a very direct style and that is not appealing to, to many people.

So if I show up in an environment like I go to a women's group thing and I know that I want to meet women and I know that I want to make connections. And by the way, that's my word for networking is I want to make genuine connections. The word for me is connect.

I am not interested in walking out with 15 business cards. I really want to meet like one or two people that I actually want to go to dinner with. Like that's my act goal. And so I have a very direct style.

If I know I've got good chemistry with someone, I'm like, I would love to spend more time with you. Can we go to dinner? Can we do coffee? And I'm just, I'm just right there with it. That does not work for everyone.

And so I would just love a more in depth take. How do you make that approach, Katherine? How do you make that type of connection when you're interested in somebody in that way?

Kathryn V.: 00:04:46

I think you just explained why I enjoy Talking to you so much, because when somebody does that, I just, like, breathe and my shoulders go down and I'm like, great, I'd love to go to dinner.

ELLA: 00:04:55

Right? You don't have to do it.

Kathryn V.: 00:04:57

Thank God you did this for me. For me, my natural approach is a little bit softer, which is just like, hey, I was really interested when you said.

And I'm going to refer to something they said coming like, oh, I get to go to this, or my family's doing that or whatever. I'd love to, like, follow back up with you and see how it went. Can I have your email address or do you want to exchange?

Or even, I think the stereotypical like, hey, let's stay in touch, let's exchange email addresses. A lot of times now I'm bumping my phone just because logistically, that's the easiest right now. But, yeah, you know, choose your own.

Choose your own adventure there.

ELLA: 00:05:29

Okay. Well, I think the real. I think the really useful takeaway here is that we don't need to accept the traditional paradigm of what networking means.

We can just throw that completely out the window.

Because what I'm hearing you say, and what my lived experience has been is that like having a broad network and having a bunch of people you're connected to on LinkedIn, swell, that's absolutely groovy. But with regard to your success, research shows, from what I'm understanding, that your success actually, I don't wanna say is reliant on.

You're more likely to be successful if you have built a close inner circle. Am I saying that correctly?

Kathryn V.: 00:06:07

You are.

ELLA: 00:06:08

Okay.

In that case, though, I still think we have to have the bravery or whatever it takes to put ourself in those environments where those connections can actually happen. Would you agree?

Kathryn V.: 00:06:19

Agreed. And I think the other thing is that when you're.

When you're networking, it's not what can they do for me, which I think most of your listeners wouldn't think or would be uncomfortable thinking about it that way, it's do we genuinely connect? And the other part of it is, can I help them? I mean, I love.

There's this book, Give to Grow Mo Bonnell, but it's like, what can you do to help somebody else? And if it's somebody else you can help, chances are there's overlap.

Overlap enough in your skills that that's a good sort of networking opportunity, too.

ELLA: 00:06:48

Well, this is a beautiful opportunity to refer back to Allison's book, Likable Badass, where she talks about how to network and she gives very very practical tips. Okay, Katherine, thank you for that little lightning round, that medium dive into networking.

I just really wanted your take because I knew that you had a lot of experience here. So thank you.

Kathryn V.: 00:07:08

Yeah, that was fun.

ELLA: 00:07:09

Thanks for joining me for this mini episode of On Air with Ella. Tune in for our full episodes once a week. See you next time.